I am sitting here in a coffee shop while it is pounding rain outside. A friend is watching Ash so I can get some work done. I am really excited about this new album and I am ready to work it! All forms of rain be damned!

I have thought about my thoughts and how some of them have been wrong. In general I find this to be true, but as far as the music business and growing Polly Panic I have had a few new thoughts. For instance, rather than remaining aloof like "the cool rockstar", I am engaging with people that like my work and I find it to be a delightful thing. Lots of warmth and fresh ideas...and encouragement. Which is badly needed sometimes. Now I am racking my brain for other notions I have always had that are erroneous. I am sure there are a few!

Bogged down

I have this adorable baby in my face and I can't stop obsessing over the people who are more successful than me in their musical careers. I never wanted to be ultra famous, just successful enough to live off of the music if I tour a few times a year and put out one new album every year. I have been on a few small labels and nothing really changed....I have always waited for some invisible line to be crossed. I am at arms length of these people, and am obsessed with my failure to be where they are. It has dawned on me that rather than obsessing I could look at what they actually did...and sometimes its being in the right place at the right time. Knowing the right person. Melora in Rasputina just happened to know someone who knew Kurt Cobain when they wanted a different cellist, etc... I can't do much about that except for network more and stop being in my hidey hole all the time with my baby and my cello. But some of them put logic to the task....who is your target audience and how do you reach them?. Then brainstorm. If anyone out there wants to help me brainstorm, please let me know! I am proud of my new album, it really is my best I think, and now I need to figure out how to get it out there. Because....I want to go tour Europe damnit! (without financial ruin). The other thing that I have been obsessing over is Rasputina touring without me this year. I know it could be seen as a chore to have a baby on tour, and that the members have always been revolving. I am still in Rasp, they just went with a percussionist instead of a 2nd cellist this year. It is just so frustrating...It feels like finally having success! and then... losing it.  But I can't be too down about that cause there will be future Rasputina tours I am sure. Now I hear my sweet baby boy crying for his mom! Gotta go. 

p.s. looking for people to help me do my first ever music video...

Album release!

Finally! I started the "Losing Form" recording sessions over a year and a half ago. Before I was done recording I got into Rasputina so I immediately halted recording and took up intensive practicing...(it was the Thanks for the Ether tour...not easy)Then touring in Rasp and protesting in Washington when Dump was elected...I was relaxing and gearing up to go to work again and then found out I was pregnant! And went off my meds...The pregnancy part was joyous in its purpose but the actuality of it was really rough on me...because of the meds and intense depression...(what is the point of existence kind...), so between that and trying to work at an after school music program those nine months were full...my ability to function was pretty low. BUT! on nov 29th, 2017 Ash was born! he is beautiful and joyful and it is hard! Especially the beginning. I was put back on meds about 6 weeks after because i had to. I was a sinking ship. I didn't want to quit breastfeeding but Ash needed me to be alive before anything else. THEN...i was halted by the fact that I am incapable of doing computer graphics. but finally I found someone who is not, and therefore we actually have a cd. ! Jesus. I am auditioning drummers and gearing up for Polly Panic shows this summer, and sad to say Rasputina is not going to be touring this year (unless Melora changes her mind) so Polly Panic shows will be all. I am going to build a new website, but the album can be had on bandcamp (www.pollypanic.bandcamp.com), or I can mail out a physical cd. I do feel it is my best yet. You should always hope to get better and better at your craft...right? Love for now, 

 Polly Panic

for those we love...I a

I am sitting here writing without my little buddy by my side. Satchmo, my little dog that has followed my every step for the last 15 years, is gone. He was 17....I know! I was pretty sure he would live forever, as up until a month ago he would still try to devour any groomer that raised a clipper near him, and he would still take off down the street on his own little journey to pee on every tree in America. And he has been with me all over this country. I will never forget him walking behind a guy that had stopped to hit on me, and peeing on his leg without him noticing. What happens when we die? The question that has been here since the beginning. Where did he go? I can't imagine he would stray very far from my side. I am so grateful for my little friend. 


All in a year's work...

Ashton Cassady was made and is now here, as of Nov 29th at 10:39 AM. A hell of a year. I didn't realize it had been that long since I wrote a blog but there you go. The cd "Losing Form" is done, EXCEPT for the artwork and packaging accompanying the physical cd...That is also done in mind, I am just waiting on a person with the skills to actually do the computer graphics....I do not have those! 

SO...you can expect a cd that is my best yet quite soon...i know I have said that before, but this time I MEAN IT! 

Pregnancy was hard for me. I went off of all anti-depressants to begin with...and at first it was okay! I thought I was good. But it takes a while for them to truly leave your system and the shit hit the fan....I spent a large portion of the summer under siege. Unable to bear waking up. So I went to the doctor and got back on a low dose of a med that has been around forever...they know that it cause the fetus no harm. It took a minute but my head came around. My spirit was happy. It is hard to manage a day not to mention your life with a 5,000 lb rock on your spirit, with claws from below dragging you further down.  I researched it and depression can harm the fetus more than any med if left untreated. I didn't want to set him up like that. So I got meds and he is here now and he is perfect. Then I was huge and working in both a dog grooming facility and an after-school music program for troubled kids. I am learning! Not an easy thing to do (either really, dogs do protest being groomed). Then we moved and I gave birth at the same time. So I couldn't quite get it together to do the graphics and packaging. But I am at home with this sweet soul in a diaper on my chest and i am gonna just pay someone to finish the graphics. Sometimes that is the best way to go. 

Rasputina does plan on touring this year, and I plan on a Polly Panic tour to support my new album. Details for all tours to be announced....It will be summer and fall before much of anything besides my cd becoming available soon. (I swear)

I hope that your life is going well...as far as I know it is the only one we have...


Read More

New Polly Panic album

Very happy to say that I have finished all tracking for the new album. Mixing will start next week and I plan to have it out late spring? I am very excited about this album. It is raw, and it is good. Very exciting. I don't have any new Rasputina news, except not to expect any tours in the next little bit...Melora has been doing it for 20 yrs...it gets old...!

Outside of touring in Rasputina and finishing the new Polly Panic album I have been pleased to play in a few different performances...mostly Asheville's Poetry Cabaret and                  Seduction Sideshow...both featured burlesque and magic, the former obviously having slam poets and the latter putting on a huge production entitled "the 7 deadly sins"...and it was as interesting as it sounds. I played for rage. Perfect. 

Please join my mailing list to keep up to date!



More Rasputina shows on the rise....

sitting here thinking of what I should be doing right now. I wrote a long blog as soon as we arrived back in NY after the Rasp tour and my computer shut down at the end, before I posted...so all my pearls of wisdom and marvelous stories were lost. I was too irritated with the loss at the time to try and write it again. ANYWAY....Being in Rasputina definitely makes me work on my chops technically as a cellist,/////stuff I haven't really paid much attention too since music school some million years ago. makes me think about the interesting battle in the studied and analytical  side of music versus the  intuitive writing....the ones you  can just listen to before they have ever been played. I think in the case of PP, I have always heard things in clips...flashes. But very often when trying to bring it out, it gets stuck. It breaks down somehow...Maybe all musicians spend their lives trying to get right, what they already hear. MY POINT! I am interested to expand the boundaries of song writing for Polly Panic. I have gotten a certain sound down very well...and I do soooo love that sound. But it is a small percent of what I hear...maybe because I know how to translate it better? I would really like to expand, but it is very hard to get out of the space you have made for yourself...Worked really hard to grind in until there is a space, and now I can't get out. HHhmmm. But as I say, being in Rasp certainly helps. For one thing, it gives hope. Trying to work without any hope is a little difficult. But here we are, hope and all.  

I am not scheduling that many Polly Panic shows right now (by which I mean none, unless with a performance art group or the right musical circumstance). I want to get my new cd done in early 2017, and hopefully get in on some other shows....with aerialist or burlesque dancers....I love those shows. But I have spent years playing shows that very few people attended and it WEARS ME OUT!! I don't know how to get it where I need it to be, but I know that doing the same thing over and over and over and expecting something different to happen is usually a waste. so i am gonna try a different way.  Ideas always accepted. 

Travels with Rasputina Oct 21


We are in Denver, CO. Everyone but Jericha (the merch girl) has been sick. I thought I had escaped it until 2 days ago...then. body weighs a million pounds, throat hurts, the works...but we had a day off yesterday and I slept for close to 24 hours. Amazing. So I am not as sick as I could be I am sure. At a cool place tonight called Syntax physic opera.  I had a cool interview for PP come up in Anti-Bellum magazine. Its very good, and Melora put it a link up on Rasp Facebook, which is very thoughtful of her. 


Travels with Rasputina, Oct 10

We had our first show last night, kind of a practice show for me. smaller and less intense. Which was a good thing. The music itself is very hard, but I was getting through it. AND then...my pick up on my cello goes out. All we get is hissing...no cello going through whatsoever...so everything kind of stops and everyone waits patiently while I fiddle with cello...sound guy runs onstage to help. Check all chords, connections, everything. Finally gets down to the pick up on my cello, there was no other option. Melora is amusing everyone through all of this with her humor, as she does, But they finally must continue without me. So I run off stage and get another battery for my pick up, and different chords...that is not the problem. Finally we mic the acoustic cello and I continue. But the really funny part is that while I am trying to fix the cello, one strap on my dress breaks and my boob is almost out...almost. 

It was very entertaining and really funny. Good for first show....Now...the tour. Fix cello and try to make sure boob doesn't fall out on stage. !

A journey in Rasputina

Today I begin traveling, heading to (roughly), Albany NY. Once there, will practice for a week with Melora of Rasputina, music I have listened to and loved for over ten years...probably closer to 15

I usually am driven to write a blog update when feeling sad and overwhelmed. This time is different....happy and surreal...and a little anxious of course. 

This will be a journey taken in day by day, a moment at a time. The music has been the kind that you can ride around in the car, feeling like your world is over but its okay cause there is this song you can hit repeat and play at top volume...The kind that is your only friend and the only comfort place. The kind that doesn't need words. The cello holds it all. That is what this music is, and has been, for me.  I have been working, since I auditioned and got in to Rasp, to make sure that my hands know the parts, so that we can put the parts together and the whole song will take the lead and the players and their parts (xept melora of course), fall away.

I guess its safe to say I am excited. 

When I come back I will be finishing my own album and doing shows and press, and as many Rasputina Shows as they will have me do.  But that is on the other end of the Rainbow as far as I am concerned. Because, right now, I have to pack!! And hit the road. 

I will be updating frequently! Stay tuned and get to a show if you can